NO COINCIDENCES!

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

It is the end of January once again. And once again God has my attention. Eighteen years ago, January 25, I found the above scripture in the middle of the night after the awful day my husband was diagnosed with six weeks to six months to live. I typed the scripture and handed it to everyone who visited the hospital room in the next days. The scripture was a guiding, reassuring light to friends and family, and especially to me. One friend later wrote it out in calligraphy and had it framed for me. It still sits on my bookshelf here in my writing loft.

This January I have been struggling to find my way and purpose once again, certainly not with the urgency, sadness, and despair of 1993, but struggling still. On January 12 I wrote in my journal, “I am floundering, wondering and wandering around in a maze of obligations I cannot find meaning, or God, in. I am doing, not relating. I am done. I need space and I need to fill it with my relationship with God.” I started hoping once again that God would "give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

And He did.

He led me right back to the eighth chapter of Romans. This last Monday, I was purging old teaching and consulting files and came upon some of the left over sheets I had typed on that far away desperate night in ’93. Okay, I accepted God was giving me a reminder here. But it wasn’t until Wednesday that I was totally jolted (see my “Star Surprises” blog entry) into realizing God needed me to listen to what he was saying. During my Companion class at church the leader handed out four Bible verses and asked four of us to read them aloud. I was the second reader and the second verse was Romans 8:26-27!

Hello God, do you want to tell me something here?

In all my screeching, searching, wavering and wandering the Holy Spirit continues to “help me in my weakness.” I may not know what to pray but “the Spirit intercedes for me with groans.” I can trust Him to lead me in discerning my own unique patterns of worship and service He has bestowed on me and I can share with others.

For right now I am listening. If I flounder again I am assured the Holy Spirit will pray for me and with me until I once again re-connect.